Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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