So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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