Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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