the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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