so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
