I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
