East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I am one with the molecules
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
