Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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