decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
