At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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