I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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