I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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