know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
