He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
