did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
