Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize
