by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
