I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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