She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
