I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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