I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
