There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
