i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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