You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
