well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
