you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
