I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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