you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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