I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
