Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
