Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
