Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
