ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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