I wannas sexs uuuuu
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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