how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
