she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
