I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
