dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
