I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
