dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
