just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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