and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
