My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
