I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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