dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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