Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
