it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
