you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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