If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
