i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
